The importance of saying the right thing

If it’s Monday morning, it must be time to get back to work on my coaching manuscript. Perhaps because I have such a wealth of knowledge to share about the sport, this thing is proving easy to write. Indeed, if people here in the office didn’t stop asking me to contribute to ‘urgent projects’ all the time, I swear I could have this book ready for the Christmas market. Anyway, today I decide to concentrate on helping newcomers to the sport understand the lexicon of the coaching game.

It’s important for new coaches to learn stock phrases that they can use during certain situations. For instance, at the end of any game that my team loses (a rare enough occurrence of course), I will go to shake hands with my rival and say through gritted teeth: ‘My boys just didn’t turn up to play today.’ It doesn’t matter if we were defeated heavily or squeezed out in a thriller, this throwaway remark works perfectly in any losing circumstances.

Firstly, it hurts the other coach, makes him think that your team had an off-day so the victory wasn’t exactly fully-earned. Secondly, it allows you to save face and not have to admit that your boys were beaten by a superior opponent. And if it adds an extra edge to your next meeting with that club, all the better. For some inexplicable reason, my teams tend to do better in contests of physical strength rather than skill.

Another alternative reaction to a loss is to walk up to the opposing coach and say: ‘You should buy a lottery ticket tonight buddy ’cause your luck is definitely in.’ Again, it’s the type of back-handed compliment that takes the wind right out of his sails, diminishes the achievement of his kids and sends him away thinking that perhaps his victory had more to do with good fortune than good play. Which is exactly what you want.