Situation so bad between warring factions at home I fear Obama may have to call NATO and send in a peacekeeping force. Yes, you’ve guessed it, wife got her credit card bill and discovered I used it to purchase my totally awesome Nike Superfly Mercurial Vapors.
‘This is tantamount to cheating!’ she shouts.
‘How do you figure that?’ I ask, doing my best to pretend this is not a big deal at all.
‘You stole my card!’ she screeches.
‘No, I didn’t steal it,’ I say calmly. ‘You left it on the kitchen table.’
‘And you helped yourself to it!’
‘I’m sorry that you don’t understand how important it is for me to look good on the sidelines. This job is all about image, you know.’
‘Firstly, it’s not a job. Secondly, you look like an overgrown little boy on the sidelines, and, thirdly, you behave like one too.’
‘That’s abuse that is,’ I shout back, trying to turn the tables on her. ‘Any marriage counselor in the world will tell you that - psychological and verbal abuse. You should be ashamed of yourself!’
‘No, this is abuse,’ she says, holding one of my beloved cleats by the laces in her hand.
‘What are you doing with that? Where did you get it?’
‘I took it out of the trunk of your car and I’m taking it to work with me and keeping it there until you pay me the 250 bucks you put on my credit card.’
Really, sometimes her childishness is matched only by her selfishness.
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