Everybody at work is called into the conference room for an address by some guy from head office. It’s one of those video hook-up things so I don’t have to pay attention to his speech about more cut-backs and looming lay-offs. Determined to prove wife wrong about yesterday's merchandise lie, I get busy jotting down potential bumper sticker and t-shirt slogans on my yellow pad. Boss catches me writing and nods approvingly at my avid note-taking which gives me more license to really concentrate on what I’m doing.
I just put down some rough cuts with notes in brackets to explain the marketing behind each one.
God, travel team, and country. In that order. (obvious appeal to religious market)
Travel Team Soccer is not a participation sport! (sums up what the game is all about)
My travel team soccer player would kick your honors student’s ass (to remind our players they are superior to so many of their peers)
School prepares children for college, travel team soccer prepares them for life (to remind players their coaches know more than their teachers)
Travel team soccer, it’s about the winning, not the taking part (self-explanatory)
Travel team soccer is my serotonin re-uptake inhibitor! (how we offer holistic alternative to anti-depresssants)
My therapist is a travel team soccer coach (none of my players will end up in therapy like those emo kids)
Proud father of a marine, navy seal, travel team soccer player (to remind our players how tough it is to make the cut)
Teach a kid to win and you have yourself a travel team soccer player (highlighting our hatred of losers and losing)
There should be an I in travel team soccer (highlighting our love of individual brilliance)
Honk if your kid wasn’t cut from his travel team (always good to encourage show of pride)
You don’t have to be crazy to coach travel team soccer but it helps (what coach doesn’t believe that?)
That’s as far as I get before video conference ends and I’m forced to go back to real work. Still, it’s a start.
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