What lies beneath

Phone starts to vibrate in my pocket during a meeting at work. Glance at the number and immediately suspect it’s from the family of one of the players I’m trying to recruit/trying to get away from his current team.

‘Sorry guys, I have to take this,’ I lie. ‘It’s opportunity knocking.’

The conversation goes even better than I could have expected.

'Hi, this is ____, my son plays for ____ and I’m just wondering if you’ve heard anything about his team breaking up this summer,’ says the concerned father.

‘I’ve heard that alright, very disturbing,’ I say in my fake sincere voice. Of course I’ve heard it. I was the one who posted the rumor on the league message board under my new pseudonym “Prius-loving soccer mom”. Not to mention I’ve already phoned another kid’s mother from that team.

‘It seems half the team are going to concentrate on football in the fall,’ says the father, in a voice that suggests he’d like further confirmation of this.

‘Yup, that’s the talk in coaching circles alright,’ I lie magnificently. ‘I’ve also heard the coach is moving out of state.’ I just can’t resist adding another layer of doubt.

‘Well, considering all that, I was wondering if my son could try-out for your team,’ he says.

‘You know, I don’t usually like taking players from other teams,’ I somehow manage to say with a straight face, ‘but under the circumstances I suppose it’s only fair your kid gets a chance to continue playing.’

‘That would be fantastic, we’d be so grateful,’ says Mr. Gullible.

‘And if he has any friends on the team who want to pop along to my try-out, bring them too. It’s always hard for a kid to come alone to these things.’

‘As you mention it, I think I can bring his friend who plays in goal.’

‘Perfect. Just perfect.’

I walk back to my desk thinking this must be the meaning of the phrase killing two birds with one stone.