Saturday, May 28, 2011

May madness

Like a lot of coaches, I enjoy using the Memorial Day weekend tournaments to experiment and to try new things. Of course, I don’t do the usual sappy stuff like starting weaker players or giving them more playing time. Why encourage mediocrity? 

I prefer to use these events to tinker with my coaching methods. In the first game of our double-header today, I decide to completely freak my players out by remaining silent for the entire first half. Radical, I know.

‘Coach, are you okay?’ asks one of the fathers, so concerned at my silence he walked around from the other side of the field to check on my health.

‘Fine,’ I say, noting his concern. This is one of the good guys. He knows I only shout because I care.

The boys on the field are utterly perplexed by the absence of my voice. Again and again, they look to the sideline for instruction but I remain stoic with my lips pursed and my arms folded. Well, at least, until we concede a goal. Then I stamp my feet and flail my arms while grunting my displeasure.

At half-time, I pull another trick. As soon as each boy has had a drink, I gather them around me.

‘Get back on the field right now,’ I whisper. ‘And while you are waiting for your opponents and the ref,  spend the next few minutes thinking of how badly you’ve played and what an embarrassment you are to your parents…Then do something about it!’

Shortest, most effective half-time speech in the history of U-10 soccer. They go berserk in the second half, kicking everything that moves, ball and man. We get three yellow cards and three goals. Perfect. What a response from my boys. Just the right amount of violence in their approach to prove there was a method to my madness.

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