Some guy from head office comes in this morning and lectures us all about the need for increased productivity in these recessionary times. Conscious of the new rules, I sneak back from lunch early and use a colleague’s phone to start my poaching campaign. Make a call to the first name on my list of players I need to improve my squad for the fall.
‘Hi this is Coach ____ from _____, I was wondering if you’d heard the rumors your son’s U-10 team is disbanding. I’m not sure if it’s true and please don’t say you heard it from me, but that’s the word on the street. Anyway, I just wanted to say that even though a talented player like your son will have no shortage of options, I’d like you to know we’d love to have him over here on my team. He’d start every game for us obviously.’
I pause then to let the sales pitch sink in.
‘We hadn’t heard that,’ says soccer mom, though, if she’s like all others of her breed, the rumor will take flight in a matter of seconds once she gets off the phone.
‘Yeah, that's the talk going around coaching circles about your son's team,’ I continue in my matter of fact business voice. ‘Anyhow, just bear us in mind if it happens.’
‘You really think my kid is that good a player?’
‘Oh yeah,’ I reply, moving into excessive flattery overdrive. ‘I mean he’s a four-year scholarship to a major college at the very least, if not the pros.’
‘But he’s only nine and a half.’
‘I know,’ I say, still laying it on thick. ‘That’s how easy it is to identify talent like his.’
I hang up the phone, satisfied with the quality of my subterfuge. Now just have to wait for her to go online and set the league's message board alight with the rumor. A very productive start to the week.
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