We can only hope

The moment I sit down at my desk this morning the boss is on the phone.

‘I can’t get come in today,’ he says, as if needing to explain his absence to me.

‘I totally understand,’ I reply. ‘I feel your pain.’

‘I just was hoping you could tell me who is to blame for this defeat?’ he asks in a voice that sounds like he hasn’t slept much since the penalty shoot-out.

‘Well, we could start with Ian Darke,’ I say.

‘Who’s that? The English guy on ESPN?’

‘Yeah. England have a history of failing at penalty shoot-outs. He brought us bad luck.’

‘But didn’t he do the Brazil match too last week?’

‘Oh, yeah, yeah he did.’ I'm embarrassed. Didn't realize boss was paying that much attention.

‘What about Pia Zadora?’ he asks in a way that suggests he’s given this some thought even if he still hasn’t figured out the coach’s name.

‘You mean Pia Sundhage?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, I just read that at half-time in some games she sings to the players rather than lectures them.’

‘There’s a problem right there. What kind of corporate leadership is that?’

‘I thought so too.’

‘Still, she got us to the final,' he says sounding way too reasonable and logical. 'We must give her credit for that.’

‘Of course,’ I say, immediately coming around to his point of view. ‘I think Hope Solo could have done better with the penalties though.’

Silence on the other end of the phone. A long, uncomfortable silence.

‘You are kidding right?’ he asks in an ominously serious tone.

‘Oh yeah, I’m kidding,’ I scramble. ‘Hope did everything she possibly could. Nobody did more for the USA in that game than her. They should have let her take a penalty! That was the biggest mistake!’ I lay it on thick, hoping I haven’t undone all the sucking-up of the past week. It seems to distract him.

‘Anyway forget what’s on your desk today, I need you to find out when the team is coming home and where they land. I want to be there to welcome them if at all possible.’

‘Are you sure that’s a…’

He doesn’t let me finish. ‘Just find out.’

Suddenly, I picture the boss at home creating one of those ‘Hope you don’t have to be solo’ banners. I fear I may have created a monster.