Show me a good loser

The club president calls me at work today. I’m a bit worried when I see his number. A tad nervous he might want to relieve me of my position after the cup final defeat. I would have no complaints given my failure to deliver the trophy.

‘Coach, just calling to say “well done” to you and your team for having such a great season.’

‘What?’

‘You know, you guys did a fantastic job, second in your division which guarantees promotion in the fall, and reaching the cup final, that’s a great campaign.’

‘You are kidding me right?’ I say, waiting for the punchline.

‘No, I’m not and I just hope you emphasized to the kids what a great job they did in achieving so much success, told them what a platform this is to build on. Stuff like that.’

I pause while I take this in. Just to check if he’s really serious or if he’s just pranking me to see how I’ll react.

‘Are you there coach?’

‘I’m here.’

‘So again, eh, well done to you and your team, please pass on my congratulations to all involved.’

He’s serious. He’s definitely serious. So I must be too.

‘Listen, if you don’t’ mind me saying, el presidente, this is what is wrong with our club. You want me to celebrate mediocrity. You want me to applaud failure. You want me to tell a group of U-10s who had the chance to write their names in history that it’s okay, that they did really well to almost win two trophies, to almost make history. This is what’s wrong with this country today. What would have happened if the greatest generation almost won World War II? We’d all be speaking German! What would we be saying if Obama almost got Bin Laden? Great job letting the bad guy get away!’

I stop to take a breath and judging from his lack of response, my words are hitting the target.

‘And furthermore (always throw that in to sound important), I want you to tell the rest of the club I refused to hand out the losers’ medals to my team at the cup final. Those boys went home empty-handed that day and learned the hard way that second means nothing. Your job is get everybody else in the club thinking like this. Now my boss is on my case here and I’m going to hang up while you go away and think about changing your philosophy towards the sport!’

Put phone down and make mental note to start immediate campaign to oust club president.