On my way into church with wife this morning when I catch a lucky break. Phone goes just as I’m about to sit down in the pew. I ignore the disapproving stares and go stand just outside the door. It’s the president of the club.
‘Is this a bad time or can you talk?’ he asks.
‘No, now is perfect, what’s up?’ I reply.
‘We’ve had a complaint from one of the parents,’ he says in that solemn voice my boss uses when he’s about to fire somebody.
‘Eh, yeah. About what exactly?’
‘Well, it seems you contravened the club’s health and wellness policy.’
‘The what?’
‘Health and wellness. Did you give the boys some sort of energy drink before yesterday’s game?’
‘Yes I did. And it made a huge difference too. All the teams should be drinking that stuff. We should look into getting sponsorship for that.’
‘But it’s against the rules,’ he continues. ‘Did you not read the handbook you were given at the start of the season?’
‘No I didn’t read it. I was too busy preparing my team to win, I didn’t have time to be reading that stuff!’ I’m shouting now, shouting loud enough to be drawing stares from the holier than thou brigade standing at the back of the church. Not sure what their problem is. Mass hasn't even started.
‘Well, it should be okay if you apologize to the mother involved and assure her it won’t happen again,’ says the president, like that's the most normal thing in the world.
‘You’re kidding right?’ I ask.
‘Afraid not coach, you’ll have to call her tomorrow to straighten it out.’
I hang up, so annoyed at this I momentarily forget where I am and just as I walk back in the door of the church, I let out a roar of frustration. ‘God give me strength!’
The priest and the entire congregation look at me like I've just renounced my faith.
'Well, isn’t that why we are all here?' I ask aloud, before sitting down next to wife who, of course, is turning a very, very angry shade of red.
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