Settling scores

Feeling the Tuesday blues this morning, I log on to the league website to look at the standings, and to bask in the glory of being top of our division. Imagine my shock when I see we are only in second place. Turns out our opponents last Saturday failed to upload the score to the site as is the home team’s responsibility. I can’t decide whether to email their coach directly or to take this to a higher power. Eventually I opt to phone the league.


‘Hi, I’d like to report Coach ____ for failing to put our score up after last Saturday’s game.’

‘Okay,’ says the woman who runs the league, ‘he probably just forgot. I’ll send him a reminder email.’

‘No, he didn’t.’ I say. ‘It was deliberate. Some of these guys just can’t take losing.’

‘Well I’m sure that’s not the case. He’s probably a busy guy.’

‘He can’t be that busy!’ I shout a little too loudly. ‘He even brings his kid onto the sideline with him at games!’

‘That’s got nothing to do with the scoreline,’ she counters, still remaining way too calm for my liking.

‘Okay, can you put this on his permanent record then?’

‘Eh, this is not high school. We don’t actually keep permanent records on people.’ To add insult to injury, she kind of laughs as she says this.

‘Well you should. This guy is a bad loser and everybody should know it,' I roar before hanging up.

Now even more agitated than before, I resort to my favorite weapon of all. Back to the message board I go. Log under new name ‘Subaru Soccer Mom’, and start a thread with the title: ‘Is Coach____ of _____ the worst loser in this whole entire league?’ In the body of the entry, I write: ‘I hear terrible things about the type of sportsmanship this guy teaches the kids on his teams. Surprised any parents would let their children play for him.’

I think that’ll send the right message.