Fox in the henhouse

Wife wakes me up this morning by repeatedly punching me on the arm.

‘What, what?’ I ask, eyes still watery with sleep.

‘You are doing it again,’ she shouts through her tears.

‘What am I doing? Why are you so upset?’

‘You were saying somebody else’s name in your dreams.’

‘No I wasn’t,’ I say.

‘You were,’ she sobs, ‘it’s so hurtful.’

‘It’s only a dream.'

‘It’s not even a woman’s name!’ she roars. ‘It’s a man’s!’

‘Really? What’s the name?’ I ask trying to play it cool.

‘Brian,’ she blurts it out while layering on the waterworks. ‘Brian.’

‘Brian?’ I start to laugh.

‘It’s not funny.’

‘Yes it is, honey. You’ve nothing to worry about. I’ve just been having a recurring dream of being on Fox News Channel’s “Fox and Friends” promoting my book, joshing with Brian Kilmeade.’

‘Brian Kilmeade?’

‘Yeah, you know the host of the show? He’s a soccer coach just like me. He’s bound to love the book.’

‘What book are you talking about?’

‘Commandments of Travel Team Soccer Coaching: Nos 1- 100. Volume 1.’

‘Sounds like a page-turner, who wrote it?’ she asks in a voice that betrays fact she has no real interest in the answer.

‘I’m writing it. I’ve been beavering away at it for months.’

She doesn’t even respond to this announcement. No words of support. No offers to read the manuscript for typos. Yet again, a complete lack of support for both my literary ambition and my burgeoning second career. After a pause, she finally says something.

‘I’m getting up now honey because you are officially starting to scare me.’

She doesn't know it yet but she's just blown her shot at having the book dedicated to her.