The heat of battle

Get a phone call in the car as I rush home to be on time for practice.

‘I’m just checking this evening’s practice is cancelled,’ says the mother of one my players.

‘Come again?’ I ask, figuring the line must be bad and I misheard.

‘I presume there’s no practice tonight right?’

‘And, eh, why would there be no practice?’ I ask, incredulous at the nerve of this woman.

‘The heat,’ she says, like that’s the most normal thing in the world. ‘It’s almost 100 degrees and with the heat index it feels more like 110. Kids can’t run around in that.’

I don’t even dignify that class of stupidity with a reply. I just let my silence speak for me.

‘You know the school has cancelled all outside activities for today?’ she continues, as if this is going to impress me.

‘And you want me to cancel practice because some civil servant in a public school fancied getting home from work a little earlier today?’

‘My older boy’s lacrosse coach cancelled their practice too,’ she says. Like a dog with a bone this woman.

I pause, take a deep breath and let go.

‘What the coaches of a sport where everybody has to put on protective padding before whacking each other with sticks do is not of my concern. I don't coach kids playing stormtrooper dress-up. I coach a soccer team. A soccer team that will practice as usual at 5.30 this evening. And unless there’s a thunderstorm we will stay a little longer than usual to work on their aerobic conditioning. These kids are ten you know, not 100!!


'But, but...' she counters.

'Okay, lady, I’m going to hang up now because I don’t want to crash my car out of sheer frustration at you trying to turn these boys into wusses. If you want your son to be a namby-pamby, keep him home tonight and for the rest of the season. If you want the kid to get out and get some fresh air and sunshine, practice goes ahead as scheduled.'

I'm delighted when I see every player at practice, including the son of whining mom, and I'm proud to note we have the school fields all to ourselves. I start the session by only making them run five laps. one less than usual. I'm not that crazy.