Handballs across America

Lucky break on the way to practice tonight. Wife leaves the new iPad she got from work on the kitchen counter when she goes to the gym. She’s warned me never to touch it but how can I resist? It’s just lying there. I take it with me to the field. I have to. I  pride myself on being one of these coaches who like to incorporate new technology into my approach to the game. With fifteen minutes to go in the session, I gather the kids around a picnic table at the side of the pitch and start showing them online footage of some of the greatest plays in the history of soccer.

I start with Diego Maradona’s classic handball against England in the 1986 World Cup. I skip over his self-indulgent dribbling goal in the same game, don’t want to give them bad ideas about expressing their creativity at crucial junctures in matches. I move from there to Thierry Henry’s infamous handball assist against Ireland in the 2010 World Cup qualifying play-offs. Talk about quick thinking from that guy. And I finish with Luis Suarez’ selfless handball save on the line for Uruguay in last summer’s quarter-final against Ghana. There was a man who took one for the team.

‘So boys, what is the lesson here?’

‘Cheats never prosper,’ says the son of the college professor. I should have known he’d get the wrong end of the stick.

‘Exactly the opposite! I shout. ‘Do five laps of the field and try to come up with a better answer. Now, anybody else got any ideas?’

Either the rest of them are too dumb or too afraid of running to give an opinion.

‘Can’t you see?’ I roar. ‘All of these players profited hugely from bending the rules. The moral of the story is: It’s okay to cheat if you are doing it for the team and all the better if you get away with it.’

Now, they are nodding their heads. Now, they get it. Another teachable moment.